10/23/2026
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed out a ladder. He said, “That’s my stepladder.” Then he added, “I never knew my real ladder.”
I don’t know what I’m going to do; I’m slowly losing my audience. My youngest grandchild is 12, and he’s already showing signs of not being able to appreciate my jokes. His sister is 15 and pretty soon I’m going to have to remind her that if she keeps rolling her eyes like that, they’re just going to keep going in circles. The oldest three are relatively polite, but I’ve heard two of them say “Oh, Papa!” way too many times.
Here’s a question. If a pig loses his voice, does he become disgruntled?
We live in hard times; there’s no doubt about it. Climate change, reject Chinese hamburger in the grocery stores, and whatever term you can come up with to describe our political woes. That’s why it’s important to have someone like me at the dinner table, ready to share my wit and wisdom.
At a job interview they asked me where I thought I would see myself in five years. I said, “Five years? I could be wrong, but I think we’ll probably still be using mirrors.”
Here’s a tip for you. The best time to try out new jokes is during a big family dinner. It is very seldom that people get up and walk out, at least not until after dessert has been served.
Do you know the last thing my granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Hey, Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
Now that I’m no longer a county commissioner, I don’t get out much. Ninety-nine percent of the time the only human being within a mile of me is my wife. And there’s a chance, slim but still a chance, that she might not be as smitten by my jokes as she used to be. Actually, that’s not true. I think she’s just as smitten as she ever was. When we were dating, I told her a joke and she didn’t laugh. Even though it was half a century ago, I remember the moment clearly. I was a little offended and asked her why. She replied, “Because it wasn’t funny.” I have to admit, I recommend marrying someone who makes you earn their laughter.
A son told his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father said, “I think you can do better.” The son said, “Thanks Dad, that means a lot.” The father said, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
Maybe I’ve just exhausted my audience. I might have to just start branching out. So, if you see me at the gas station or standing in line at the coffee shop, brace yourself. You might not see this one coming.
I just got my doctor’s test results and they weren’t good. Looks like I’m never going to be a doctor.
Copyright 2026 Brent Olson
